i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
