dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
