I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
