Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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