The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
