Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
