I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
