so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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