That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
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I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
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My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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