I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
