I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
