I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
