awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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