I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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