I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
