My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
