guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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