Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
