took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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