he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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