3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I've blown a few things in my day
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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