...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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