i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
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Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
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I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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