You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I want her autograph on my taint
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
