Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
