i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
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