Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
When are your genitals available?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
