I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
