I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
