so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
