do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
