Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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