I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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