The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
