I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
