its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
