i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
