I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
