I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
