I am in a vortex of obligation.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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