How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
