that's an acceptable place to lick
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
