Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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