I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
