Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
