grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
