I'm really into asian looking animals
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
