i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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