Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
