omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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