Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
