Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
