I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
