The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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