I am in a vortex of obligation.
and she was petting her beer can
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
