what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
