also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
