and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I looked at my own cervix.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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