I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
