The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
