i was born a porn star she said
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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