Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
