I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We need to get me chipped asap
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
