I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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