I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
